Interview with Corbin

Growing up as a little girl was hard for Jacki. She was a tomboy who wanted to be a boy more than anything in the world. Years later her wish was granted.

When did the feelings of wanting to be a boy begin?

My first recollections of not fitting in began in Kindergarden. I remember arguing with my mother over several pink dresses that I did not want to wear. When we shopped for clothes I would always rush to the boy’s section; it was my mom who always pulled my back.
At points in time I would ask to be called either Micheal or Johnathon. For example, when I played office with my friends, I was referred to as Micheal. I would have preferred to be called this at all times.
Overall there was always a sense of being distant from girls. Short hair, baggy clothes and action figures were much more a passion of mine than dolls and fluffly garments.

How did people respond to your boy-like behavior as a child?

Generally people just called me a tomboy, and that’s what I was in a sense. They never responded badly. Well, there was one woman in high school who pushed me around. She was the mom of a popular student and would say things like “What are you reading for? You know its not going to get you anywhere.” People like her have always been few and far between. I’m comfortable knowing I’ve accomplished a lot. (grins)

Do you have any examples of the transgender side of you coming out when you were a child?

Absolutely. One of my favorites involved my aunt. She called me Jacqueline one time when I was about seven years old. I looked at her and said “Call me Johnathon. I’m a boy and I’ve known I’ve been a boy for a very long time.” I wondered for years afterward why she called me Johnathon.

How has being transgender affected you emotionally?

Honestly, It’s been a hell ride. As a child it was tough to live with looking female, but there wasn’t the emotional problems that developed as a teen. First off, the structure of the middle and high schools didn’t fit my needs. Even today I perform poorly in structured environments with many people around. I didn’t have the chance for independence like I have as a college student. Imagine sticking a somewhat geeky bookworm into a school full of hormone-raged adolescents. It was a poor mix. On top of that I wasn’t exactly what may be called a “normal” girl. Today I have a group of supportive friends and a University that has helped to make me feel at home. These two elements have made a tremendous difference.

When did you come out?

I told my parents that I was attracted to females when I was 13 or 14. It wasn’t until I was 20 that I mentioned the other part–you know, wanting to be a man.

How did they take it?

Standing! Actually, it was hard on them, but at the same time there was the overwhelming reminder of my behavior and mannerisms since childhood. For them, it made some level of sense. It was their concern over the hormones that posed a larger problem.

Why hormones?

Trying to pass as a man when you are physically female is a tough challenge. People see you as a butch lesbian. It’s not that they react bad to that but that there are the breasts and the voice, and the overall appearance that stop me from feeling who I am, and them from seeing who I am. The testosterone allows me to have the characteristics that I’ve wanted for so long. When I was young, I used to stand in the bathtub and pat bubble bath suds on my cheeks to resemble a beard. I figured that since dad had a moustache, and I was like dad, that I would grow one too. As smart as I may have been at the time I couldn’t make the leap to understand that I would have breasts like mom. So as you may imagine, the development of my female form was somewhat disturbing. I still see it as a twisted trick that Nature pulled on me. I began taking testosterone on January 7, 2005. Click for : Photographs and Diary

Do you plan to have breast surgery?

I had a bilateral mastectomy with nipple grafts on January 5, 2006. My surgery was performed by Dr. Peter Raphael in Plano, TX.
Corbin’s Bilateral Mastectomy Surgery Journal

Is there anything else you would like to add?

Coming from a conservative background, I can understand how it is difficult to comprehend struggles like my own. Generally the most exposure people get to stuff like this is through weirdos on television and the strange man that walks the aisles at the grocery store. What I hope to get across is that there are loads of successful men and women that deal with these issues. I hope that parents especially are able to learn so that they may help their children out rather than leaving them stranded with a misunderstanding of life. It was my mom who said “I would rather have a son than no child at all.” Thank you mom and dad.